Justin Bieber, is that you?

Bieber, we're over. It's not you, it's me, I draw the line at prison. X

— Briony Gaffer (@brionygaffer) January 23, 2014

If you have read any of my previous posts you will know at least one of the following things...

1) I have a Justin Bieber mug
2) I have a Justin Bieber mask (for the boyfriends...I joke)
3) When I'm feeling blue, I watch the Justin Bieber movie and scream 'HE'S.JUST.SO.TALENTED.', "PLAY THOSE DRUMS BIEBS, PLAY THEM".
4) I genuinely believe that in a former life I was his mother.

But like any desperate mother there comes a time when enough is enough. He has pushed my buttons for the last time and the threat of sending him to an all team building, all tree climbing, summer camp is looming. He is one DUI away from the naughty step. A tequila shot away from the having his allowance cut. A biniki clad hottie short of a detention. But I have had an epiphany. A life changing epiphany which could quite possibly be the long lost cure of Bieber Fever.

Justin Bieber is Joffrey Baratheon from Game of Thrones.

Let us unpack that statement for the culturally challenged. Game of Thrones is a series, no, a religion. A typical show contains more nudity than a Kardashian sex tape. Ah, winter is cumming. It can no better be defined than "that porno show starring Mayor Carcetti from The Wire".

Joffrey Baratheon is the teenage leader of the seven kingdoms, the Justin Bieber of times gone by. And, due to the misfortune of being a teenager and fabulously inbred, Joffrey is a royal shit. If Monday morning was a person, Joffrey Baratheon would be your guy. His only two fans are his mother and his aunt...and they are the same person. He is an inexperienced, whiny, child who believes his political problems can be stabbed away in an instant. Literally. I was not the only being to bust into a spontaneous rendition of Timberlakes classic 'Dick in a Box' when Joffrey was captured. You know you did it too. And if you didn't, you're wishing you did.

And where does Bieber fit into this I hear you cry? Well, let me explain. Justin Bieber and Joffrey Baratheon have been given all the responsibilities of an adult with no manual on how to handle them. You only have to look at pictures of Bieber meeting with the Prime Minister of his home country, Canada. Why, oh why, is he dressed as a a drunk house painter? As we have come to learn, dungarees are never the one. Chuckie ruined dungarees for red headed children and it is about time the rest of y'all got the hint too. Justin, first names terms, is not a girl, not yet a woman, all he needs is time, a moment that is...SORRY, nineties child problems. He is in fact a tiny adult, Justin Bieber is a hobbit.

His debut song opens with Usher calling Beiber up for a favour. A favour. In what mystical world does Usher stumble upon a life altering problem and think "who you gonna call...? Justin Bieber". When The Rasmus penned their lyrics, Justin Bieber was never in the mix for their phone-a-friend. Dr Jones, maybe. But Bieber, no. But we are not the target market here, the target market is a generation that only exists in a world far, far away where the greatest problem resting on their shoulders is puppy love. They are a generation with Ludacris on speed dial. A world of folk unable to grow a respectable moustache but able to make grown up decisions.

I whole heartedly believe that I have a better moustache than Bieber.

— Briony Gaffer (@brionygaffer) January 18, 2014

But we can not blame Bieber for this. I mean, Bieber would not be anywhere as near as popular as he is if he was to write about real teenage problems. Less 'Beauty and the Beat', more 'Beauty and the Boner?'. Less 'As Long As You Love Me', more 'As Long As My Mum Doesn't See'. In fact, we all need to take a little more responsibility for the fall of this popstar, Justin Bieber isn't the problem, we are.

Anyone who has been a teenager for more than five minutes, knows that it sucks all sorts of exquisite arse. But can you imagine going through those soul shattering times with the rest of the world watching. Justin Bieber is the spokesperson of a sham reality that the majority of us are not to privy to. Does this mean we should destroy him? Perhaps. But history isn't on his side, so we may as well be.