a note from the gals...

Confession time...I am obsessed with showbiz news (deep breath out, shoulders relax). My morning routine consists of peeling off the covers, turning on my Dell (Que comments regarding the much needed transgression to the Mac) and checking the web for any sprinkling of showbiz news. What I do not seek, but nevertheless find myself confronted with, is article after article about what I can wear to make that guy with the ‘best smile I have ever seen and arse I want to dry hump’ (yes, I just quoted He’s Just Not That Into You) fall head over high tops for me. Well lads, now it’s your turn...

#1 Gilets over tee’s.

Is it cold or is it hot? C’mon lads, you’re a walking
contradiction. I have walked down many a street with the gals, only to be stopped in our tracks by “that guy” who is wearing a tee and a gilet. What each wander has in common is the exasperated shy each lady lets out once “that guy” has passed, and the all too familiar comments that come next.

#2 Army boots.

Whether they should stay on the battle field or make you looks as if you have just wandered out of More Magazine, it is simply not the most attractive shoe you could place on your feet. Shoe’s say a lot about people, in fact, I know women who walk head down scouting out the shoes of potential partners. There are a few pairs of shoes that make women look up faster than a stranger calling “look it’s Ryan Gosling building a house”...the pump, the espadrille, the sock and sandal and the oh so tragic army boot.

#3 Trainer socks.

As I compose this list of “do not’s” I sit next to a victim of the trainer sock. He insists that when it comes to exercising there is a different set of rules. Knowing little about the phenomenon he calls
exercising, I contest this theory with a passion. Whether they prevent blisters or not, your gal does not need to know that you care about whether or not the cuff of your sock is on show for the world to see. Repeat after me: “thou shalt not care about thy socks”...“thou shalt not care about thy socks”.

#4 The trilby hat.

When we ladies see a trilby coming towards us we ask ourselves one thing: “premature balding?”

#5 Anything with Velcro.

The crackling sound that can call a halt to a date quicker
than James Corden can cut off an acceptance speech. A Velcro shoe clearly signifies that you are not adept with the “bunny ears method” of tying your shoes, or you are still carrying the 1999 wallet you got free in a copy of Warhammer Weekly.

#6 ¾ length shorts or Capri pants (for the sophisticated among us).

Ashton Kutcher did not pull them off so neither will any old
Tom, Dick or Harry. The Capri Pant poses the question: “are they meant to be that short, or have they shrunk in the wash?”

#7 Kapa, LeCoqSportif, Gola.

The Primark of the sporting brands, a flash back to the mid nineties, let us just say; if these three beasts were pupils in a P.E class, they would be picked last.

#8 Polo shirts tucked into trousers.

Only acceptable if you are a father of three, playing in a polo match or trying to impress a grandparent at an open garden.

#9 The low V.

Yes, you have a defined chest. Yes, it is somewhat smoother than the back of most women’s legs. No, we do not want a preview. There is no circumstance which will call for your v-neck to be lower than the lady’s on your arm.

And one forluck...Bluetooth.

No call requires you to look as if you are talking to yourself.

As I look over the top ten faux pas, I cannot help feeling a cloud of shame creep over me with an
additional showering of shallowness. But, in an age that men take longer to get ready for women, I feel licensed to give you the harsh truth, a piece of tough love if you will. The girl who claims that she would date any man regardless of his fashion sense (or lack of) is, as brutal as it sounds, the cousin of Pinocchio. So c’mon lads, fix up look sharp and remember to thank me later.

B x