Never Say Never.

I admit it, I am a Belieber, I Beliebe, I have Beiber fever and I don't care who knows it. I don't just 'Belieb in Justin Beiber and everything he does', I recreate his hairstyle on unwilling victims, I sing, no, perform his songs in the shower, I even have his face on my key chain. Now unlike Beliebers everywhere, this wasn't always the case. In fact, I can tell you precisely the moment and the place my fever hit. 70,000 feet in the air, Delta, crying into a cup of Cranapple. I even remember what I was wearing, but that is probably because my flying chum was dolled up to the nines, looking pristine as if about to walk out of customs and into The Box and I was in sweats, hair in a top knot and not a scrap of makeup on my face. Not pretty, not even close. It was there that I watched Never Say Never and it changed my life (possible melodramatic tendencies).

*Familiar voice creeps in: "your obsession has gone too far".*

I feel that at this point I need to send out a wee declaration; whilst I love me some Beiber, I do not fancy Beibs in any shape or form, you will not catch me uttering the words 'Beiber is my life', well actually, let's start again: you will not catch me camping outside Radio One with a Banner inscribed with the words 'Future Mrs Beiber' in coral glitter. Better? yeah, thought so. I mean, c'mon folks I am twenty one years of age and he is what, thirteen? I ain't getting any younger.

I am going off track.

Whilst I am indeed a Belieber, I do not want to track down Selena Gomez and taunt her with some unsavory tweets because she had the sheer indecency to meet a wee boy and fall somewhat in lurve. Trolls are, and excuse my language, sad little bastards masquerading as Mr/Mrs Big Bollocks. Eh!? You hear!? Troll me, go'wan, try it.

The worst thing is, we are all under some illusion that it is okay because, let's face it, they are famous and with the ups comes the downs. Some even dare to cry 'it's part of the job!'. Excuse me? I am sure, as someone trying to secure a job this very second, that Selena did not roll out of bed one morning in to the Disney studios and BOOM, her career was made. The same goes for Beibs. Once upon an unsavory time the words 'I hate him' would have crept out of my very mouth. I don't know the bugger, so how the hell can I hate him!? Now here come the truth of it, duck for cover if you wish, hold you head in your hands cause this is a big one: FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE REAL PEOPLE. The still sleep, they still shit, in some cases they still have B.O. You know what? they even have feelings. If you were to say the same things that you say to the celebrity folk to someone behind the checkout in the Co-op you would not only be escorted out, but arrested. If we don't start recognizing the cyber world as the real world we are all fucked. So the next time your fingers gallantly skip over the keys in the creation of some phrase your grandma would not approve of, think twice.

After all, you probably have a little willy.