The evolution of the eyebrow...

Facebook is, in reality, our own worst enemy. It is our Grandmothers at Christmas, offering photos of our former chubby child selves, a time when a pair of sunglasses and gumboots made us feel overdressed. It is photographic evidence, documenting every past pitfall. The time you puked in a phone box dressed as a chicken drumstick? Not only are you not allowed to forget it, it will crawl its way onto your wall with the hashtag '#ChickenChunderstick' on every birthday, anniversary and New Year.

When you are required to make a wall of shame for your bf's 18th birthday party, Facebook is your first port of call. It is the virtual equivalent of a Blue Peter annual, documenting every outfit more tacky than a Christmas chandelier made of coat hangers, tinsel and chewing gum.

After a quick flick through my timeline I have come to the following conclusions:

a) I will never be content with a bob nor, long hair. Bite the bullet and pay the piper, shave it off.
b) My eyebrows undergo more makeovers than The X Factor's Rylan could even dream of.

Ta da, the evolution of the eyebrow. I have had everything from a piece of wilted spaghetti to a Witchetty Grub take residence above my peepers. No, not literally - whilst my barnet may be able to contain the cast of Mumma Mia, my eyebrows are not a haven for wildlife creatures or carbohydrates.

Rather than dribble on about various production casts that could happily hibernate in my beehive, I shall instead list the twists and turns my tweezers have put me and my eyebrows through over the last few years.

1) The "Heeeeellllllo" brow - endorsed by Ronald McDonald's power house hamburger haven to promote the big 'M'.
2) The Brooklyn Bridge - your very own yellow brick road from over ear to over ear.
3) The Witchetty Grub - Thick and full on, prone to dancing on their own accord or flying free when shocked.
4) The Charlie Chaplin brow - short and sweet.
5) The Cheese String - thick and collected until a child gets their mitts onto the end and shreds away it's very being.
6) The "if my eyebrows are thin then so am I, yah!?" - only suitable for the summer months, when the less hair in a variety of residencies the better.
7) The Miley Cyrus brow - Can't Be Tammed.
8) The ski slope - designed for nits to loose weight and try new activities, or so I can only assume.
9) The "not matter how hard I try, I will always look a little bit miffed" - otherwise known as the Chantelle Houghton.
10) The coveted Scouse Brow - only unheard of if you have been living under a rock or holidaying in the land of good taste for the last few months. The upstairs equivalent of a vajazzle, over the top and entirely unnecessary. Start by removing all of natural brows of course, now...paint the buggers back on, if at your disposal, use tar or lead paint for the desired effect.

Happy Browday.