Twitter truths...

'I just didn't get it at first but, now I am hooked' - a sentence each and every one of Twitter's 175 million users have let fall from their mouths.

I am indeed a member of the Twitter party. If Twitter was a club, the bouncers would know my name, I would skip the queue, high fiving Gazza on the way to the glass elevator. If Twitter was my local chippy, I would be welcomed by those altogether appealing yet, somewhat soul destroying words; 'usual tonight is it Briony?' If Twitter was a gym membership, I should be on my way to getting the next six months free...I think you get the point.

I, Briony Gaffer, am a Twitter addict - the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

The Guardian website posted an article which claimed that Twitter was 'harder to resist that cigarettes and alcohol'. According to US researchers, we ordinary folk are more likely to fall victim to the urge to tweet, than we are to pull the cork from the bottle of red currently taking up residence on your kitchen counter.

The funny thing is, as I sat dismissing the study with a 'pfffttt' and a 'c'moooon', the first thought that came to my mind was: 'Twitter needs to hear about this'.

Twitter has become an ever present part of our lives, it is the person (and I use the word 'person' lightly) we turn to when we feel the need to brag. It is the person we share a joke when we have come across an unfortunate street name. It is the person we cosy up to and flatter, when all we really want to do is sell them something.

Twitter is a cocktail party. A networking event if used correctly. It is not the main event but, rather the backstage hub. Whilst others are relentlessly dropping business cards on to the tables of the savvy, the internet smart are dropping tweets, collecting a following of thousands. The clue is in the title, 'social media', the media will always be secondary to the social. It is gym class in high school on a social platform; if your following is less than desirable the chances are, you will not get picked for the team.

Don't get me wrong, I am not stabbing my ole pal Twitter in the back, I am merely opening your eyes to the reality of the social networking site. Twitter is the Regina George of Mean Girls, it knows it is a bitch.

But like that one that broke your heart, we still harper feelings.

And, like most high school gangs, there are a whole host of Twitter characters.

First there are The Conversationalists, those who turn to Twitter rather than the messaging app on their iPhones. The thought process somewhat baffles me here, do they think we can't see? Or are they inviting us along too? I shall opt for the second, there will be many a birthday party or netball match at which I shall crop up. Isn't that how Paris and Nicole became social butterflies? Gate crashing.

The Follow Me Frankly's, those who know what #ff actually means. Those who sign off not with their name nor a cheeky 'ly' but, 'follow bk plz'. Maybe my mother drummed the concept of 'stranger danger' too hard into my muddled mind but, this is one I have yet to get to grips with.

The Braggarts, those who brag about the pony Daddy bought them who has now learned to tip toe it's way to the fridge and pour a glass of mineral  water. The type that post pictures of their dinner as if to say 'hola boys, look who would make a good wifey ;)' - you're all thinking it. It is like having a second slice of chocolate cake or a cheeky fumble, the only one that is stimulated is you.

Then there are the virtual equivalent of the door to door salesmen, just slightly less shabby. This can, in some cases include the rich and famous, when was the last time you saw Kim Kardashian post a tweet that was not littered with words misspelt due to the added addition of the Kardashian K?

At this point, I feel the need to send out a wee declaration because, let's face it, I don't want to loose any of my lovely followers. I am pinpointing those you too have bad mouthed to your pals over a cheeky glass of vino. Twitter is of course full of wonderful folk who have something valid, interesting and more often than not, funny to say. I am also not in any way claiming that I do not hold a percentage of each of the personality traits as listed above, I am guilty, guilty as charged.

After all, why are you here? Because I tweeted the link.